They Need to Know

I am starting a series titled They Need To Know.  It’s about all the things that go on in our lives raising our autistic son that are never seen and how it feels so lonely being unnoticed.  They Need To Know that we are more than acquaintances, friends. coworkers, family or anyone else.  There is a struggle and an incredible upward journey that has so many joys but so many terribly hard moments.  In essence i will share that way a family with autism survives…..and They Need To Know…it’s hard!

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Mess, rest and the balance that will never be

Sitting here with my daughter at bed time and the house is truly a mess. I am not sure I’d there can be a balance between mess and chaos and rest. I have realized that there is a part of me that will just go and go without taking care of myself. So much gets done; I mean so much
Ore than what’s normal. Problem is that what goes up always plummets back down. I am in a period where I am dedicating more time to taking care of myself and giving myself some rest, repose. Now the house suffers. It wouldn’t be so bad but my son Taylor is so very hyper and massive messes. Can happen quickly with him. You are usually too tired from chasing him around all day to get to the messes he made that day. So herein lies my dilemma. If I get the rest I need the house falls. Is there a workable balance here

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15 Feet

I am noticing how much I am learning about God through my relationships with my pets.  Every night I get my cats in the how for bedtime.  It makes me feel good knowing they are safe and comfortable.  This being said I will stop at nothing to get them.  I have been known to wait twenty thirty minutes trying to get them in.  Sometimes and lately so.  Bella will come running initially, but then suddenly have a change of mine and walk back out to the sidewalk.  I will follow her and sit on the curb hoping that she will get comfortable enough that I can coerce her over to me and i can get her in my arms and take her inside.  I have to sit forever and sometimes I give up waiting still for another time where I will start my attempts all over again.  It always baffles me that only 15 feet are standing between me and her.

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Feeling fat

The title just came to me.  I am at my worst body shape ever.  Now that being said, my best shape was a size 0 and I had “eating issues”.  I never had that baby bump after Taylor was born.  I also was able to work out 5 days a week.  Now with Taylor’s needs I can’t work out as well.  I am trying to do more exercising inside, but we’ll see.  Maybe when he goes to school full-time this next I can join an inexpensive gym.  I have o do something because this just isn’t cutting it

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Rest

I am sitting in a clean house.  Well, it was cleaner before my kids came home.  We were working until 2am on things that we really couldn’t do with the kids around, like painting touchups and deep floor and furniture cleaning.  I had friends over today and my parents brought the kids home early so for about the last hour or so I was making sure Taylor kept his clothes on and that he and Emma didn’t get too messy from the 8 or so cupcakes they stole from the table and only ate the frosting.  I wish Ryan wasn’t at work right now.  It’s pretty peaceful knowing that there isn’t major housework to be done (not counting the laundry mountain in the garage).  I’ve noticed since we doubled Taylor’s medicine that he has taken more of an interest in interacting with Emma and to some degree, other kids.  The problem now is that he doesn’t know what to do and he ends up pushing and lightly hitting kids.  He thinks he is playing with them, partly because he can play rough with us, but they don’t understand and then we have to explain once again his condition.  Most people are pretty good about understanding once they are told about him.  I still get stares pretty much everywhere I go, but you get used to it after a while.  Emma is noticing more and more now that Taylor doesn’t act like the other kids and she doesn’t understand and gets hurt feelings when he acts a certain way.  He loves to have her jump with him on the trampoline, which is a new social gain itself, but he doesn’t understand why he just can’t pull her by the hand up with him…especially when she doesn’t want to jump.  We have to watch him because he’s pushing her down when she is jumping.  He isn’t being malicious when he does it; it used to be a game between him and Ryan and I.  He loved it when we pushed him down and jumped around him to make him bounce and now he is trying to do it to Emma.  Another thing she doesn’t understand.  I know she will figure it out and he eventually will learn that he just can’t do certain things.  I can’t say for sure whether he will understand why, but we’ll take what we can get.

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One More Thing…

I got a note home from Taylor’s teacher today that said he was saying no more often to them and it was always at appropriate times to answer with a no.  Praise Jesus!

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A Mother’s Treasures

Luke 2:19 “But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.”

The first time I read this verse I thought the treasuring up of things and thinking about them to yourself sounded a little selfish, but now with kids of my own, I see it differently.  Any mother when she has given birth treasures the moments when the crowds come and ooo and ahh over her baby and ask how she is feeling.  I’m sure Mary felt that way, but I feel like it was more than that.  Crowds were amazed at the birth of her son and people were praising God in the streets, her son’s Heavenly Father.  There are times when something in a situation is so important to me, but it seems like nobody else relates to it like I do.  In those times, if I couldn’t rejoice with them I would just do it by myself when I am alone and can think and rejoice with God.  I wonder if that is why she treasured up all theses things” but “…pondered them in her heart.  No one could completely understand what not only being a parent of a child who is God and is worshiped by crowds, but being his mother.  What a special joy that must have been.  I don’t anymore think the pondering it in her heart part meant she was lonely.  Only God himself could understand exactly what she felt, and he was right by her side.

I had a moment like that this week.  I was reading a story to my son and I without thinking asked him who one of the characters in the book was.  I realized after I said it, that was something I would do with Emma, but Taylor was thought to not be aware enought to do that.  He didn’t say anything at first when I pointed to Dora , and I thought “he’s thinking but he probably won’t get it.”  For some reason I felt the idea to move to the picture of Boots and, with little expectation, see if he would respond.  I asked the question and the first thing I noticed was his attention to the book and my question.  It could have stopped there and I would have been praising God.  But after a few seconds in a soft whisper is said “Boots”. I was delighted.  Not only did he answer a question, but it was a specific question; not a yes or no question which is a little easier having only two choices to choose from.  My husband was happy, but I was wanting someone to rejoice and praise God with me.  He did the same feat the next day in front of my mother in law this time with Nemo, which he hasn’t seen for at least a year, and she didn’t think anything of it.  I wasn’t going to find my praise partner there.  I told my parents about it and showed them how he did it and they were happy, and they may in the end give God more of the credit, but I know God is healing my son.  I can’t find anyone to rejoice with gladness and praise God with me.  So, I treasured all these things and I ponder them in my heart praising God in my own quiet time.  God is there and he listens and rejoices with me and I am sure even more so than I can even rejoice.  I look forward to the direction he will take us on this journey.  I will love my son and continue to be so very proud of him regardless of any advances he makes, but I am so excited to see God’s hand on him.  We sing a song in our house that my daughter brought back from Sunday school…..

Praise Him Praise Him

All you little children

God is love; God is love

I was going to find a verse on praise, but I feel the song speaks for itself.

By the way, for those who might not be as familiar with autism, answering a yes or no question is a big thing, but answering a question where the answer has to be specific is huge…especially when you child isn’t talking much.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow

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